Four things to do before you jump into the next relationship

When i look back to my single days that sometimes I was not ready for the relationships I had.  I think it was only when I loved being single and enjoyed dating that I met my husband.  I made a mistake that most single people make, I replaced one mistake with another.  

I wish someone had told me that while its easy to start a relationship any time, it's not easy to start a quality, long-lasting relationship any time. The only time when you can start a quality relationship is when you are truly ready for it. To be ready, you must make sure that you are mentally balanced enough overall.

1. Love yourself
I always say I wish they taught self love at school.  You cannot be comfortable with you without your approval.  Until you love and value yourself no one will be able to love you.  If you have significant hang-ups in your own skin, those insecurities will be transmitted loudly and clearly to anyone you date. In such cases, anyone who is psychologically healthy will sense that you aren’t quite ready to have an intimate relationship.  Once you love yourself and accept your flaws everything else falls into line.  You become more attractive and you become a joy to be around.

2. Get over your ex
I know this is where most of us fail, the anger towards the ex.  I get it sometimes you get so hurt and you cannot help but be resentful towards your ex for whatever reasons. You have the right to feel this was but do not try to start another relationship while you are still angry.  Wait until you are no longer angry (hopefully it won't be long). When you get to the point that you accept who your ex was, you aren’t flooded with emotions about it. Accept what your ex did and accept that it you were not meant to be with that person and move on.  

3.  Accept your career and financial situation
Your work and finance situation are a big part of who you are.  If you are out of work, unemployed or in debt that you feel embarrassed about, sort that out before you start dating.  I am not saying do not date if you are unemployed or broke but if you are insecure about it then you shouldn't be dating.  I remember once dating a guy that was going through a rough patch but his pride would not let him admit it.  Instead he would snap at me if I suggested going for a movie or dinner.  It wasn't until I ended it that he told me the truth.  If you are financially having a hard time, or that you may be in between jobs be honest.  Tell your date about steps you’re taking to improve your situation and move on from anyone who doesn’t respect how real and honest you are about your circumstances. 

4.  Give people a chance
We are living in the social media frenzy.  Everything has to be perfect.  Many people are single because they are looking for people they look good with instead of people that are good for you.  But too often, men and women cast dates aside for different –more idiosyncratic – reasons. It's good to date someone sexy but while sexual attraction can also grow over time lust fades.   That man or woman you felt wildly attracted to in the beginning becomes less appealing over time after you sit through 50 dinners and realize the two of you don’t have enough in common. But if you find someone you are attracted to enough, and simultaneously love their personality and the things they have to say, your attraction will grow over time.  

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